You Spin Me Right Round

This subject has come up before in previous blog posts, but due to the extreme-ness of my current emotional state, I shall bring it up again. Emotions. They're so much 'fun,' aren't they? To me they are volatile, untrustworthy and the deepest part of me that I could ever share. You may hear about the happenings and stresses of my life and think that I have shared deeply with you...and it grieves me to have to admit that I reserve that place and share it seldom with even the closest of friends. If by chance something from the depth of my emotions makes it to your hearing, you will probably experience it as a 'fly-by-night' aside. The other day I was talking about my Dad and after sharing some particulars, I casually said 'it's actually really stressful.' Sounds simple enough, right? Saying even just that was a big thing.

Why do I bring this up? I need to be accountable to my emotions, acknowledge them, and not try to slough them off like they are not important.

I never share too much about romance on here, and there are 2 BIG reasons for that: 1) there truly hasn't been anything to share, and 2) you are a nameless, faceless crowd and if I don't tell my closest of friends about how I feel, why would I tell you? It annoys me when I read blogs that are vague messages to the man or woman of interest. Don't write out a sappy Disney-esque (don't get me started) poem that is clearly meant for Alissa and title it 'the one who got away!' I tend to shy away from crap like that because these off-kilter, crazy-making, splinter you into a thousand bitty pieces emotions are not my friends.

God has a good sense of humor. Normally I do, too...except in these cases. God builds my house, I am only on the work force. He is the grand architect and delivers the blueprints. Why is this so hard for me to remember? I see something I think I need, or feel like I need to make something happen or orchestrate something between a person of interest and me...and it's all bad. Trust is required, faith in God, and a belief that He really is good and has a hope and a future for me. I'm not going to pursue a man. Doesn't matter if he's textbook perfect, as well as real-life perfect. It feels out of order. My friends and family do not understand this about me...we always get to this place in every potential relationship and their advice has always been to be bold and 'act out of the ordinary.' If the guy belongs to the Lord, like I do, he will do the right thing. It shouldn't be a struggle and I shouldn't have to make something happen.

Alright people, that was just a little rant fest! Being single is not easy, as all the single people out there will agree. Still, I am trying to honor God on a moment by moment basis with my thoughts and actions and especially (my very short so far) love story.