The Trip to Tulsa -- Psalm 50

I have spent the last several days in Tulsa, Oklahama, searching for the Lord. I say search because I really thought I had to be active in "seeking" Him. When there, it was I that was found by Him. He searched the depths of me and caused me to find the rest that I so desperately hoped for.

On the first morning of prayer, I came before God with a rapid-fire list of questions and thoughts. He stilled those thoughts and quieted me. As each question rose up in me, He gently laid each one down and comforted me with Scriptures. As each fearful wondering of the future began to eat away at the peace I felt that morning, God spoke His Word to my heart.

Those questions that I had gone to Oklahoma to ask were no longer the central purpose of my prayers. I began to see that God had bigger things to talk to me about.

Psalm 50:1 -3
The Mighty One, God the LORD,
Has spoken and called the earth
From the rising of the sun to its going down.
Out of Zion, the perfection of beauty,
God will shine forth.
Our God shall come,
and shall not keep silent;
A fire shall devour before Him,
And it shall be very
tempestuous all around Him.

The past year and the Tulsa trip has not been about whether or not I should stay in the Bay Area or move to Oklahoma. The place where I lay my head at night and where I go to school are not the subjects that God has been most desirous to speak to me about. God, my God, has searched me and He knows me. The Lord has perceived every one of my anxious thoughts, and not one word or fear has been hidden from Him. The question that continually came to my mind that morning was, "What are you doing in my life, Lord?," not "what are you trying to do," or "what have you been doing in my life." I truly want to know what God has purposed for me right here and right now. Right now I surrender my paths and plans.

Psalm 50:7 - 11
"Hear, O My people, and I will speak,
O Israel, and I will testify against you;
I am God, your God!
I will not rebuke you for your sacrifices
Or your burnt offerings,
Which are continually before Me.
I will not take a bull from your house,
Nor goats out of your folds.
For every beast of the forest is Mine,
And the cattle on a thousand hills.
I know all the birds of the mountains,
And the wild beasts of the field are mine.

I asked my friends there about verse 7. Why does the psalmist write, "Hear, O My people, and I will speak?" I believe it means taht we must hear and be hearing before He even begins to speak. My prayer to God at that point was for Him to open my heart and my ears, that my heart would be prepared for Him. It is not that I believe He is speaking at all times and we are simply not in position to hear it all of the time, rather, I believe it is that we need to be the closest to His heart to hear its beating.

God has not asked me to make a sacrifice, nor has He taken anything from me. My offers to leave home, family and friends are appreciated, but He has not required that. He does not need anything that I have or could easily give. He already has everything. What does He want then? I think the answer is simple: He wants me; the undivided attention, adoring heart and relentless worship that only I can offer Him. And He has made it clear to me that what He desires from me can be offered in a solitary confinement prison cell, or a highrise in New York, or an apartment in Pleasanton, or from the grounds at Oral Roberts University. Where I offer my life to God is not as important as how I offer my life to Him. He can use me anywhere...