My fencepost

We throw tantrums when we don't get our way. We cry out to God, we withhold ourselves...as if He didn't have access to every single thought, memory or emotion. We give Him the silent treatment.

The last month I've sat on the fencepost, neither committing myself to one backyard or another. I sat and contemplated what God's perfect will would look like for me, and what actions would be most honoring to Him. BUT, in all honesty, I didn't think about honoring Him as much as I simply closed myself off to Him and everyone else that had a chance at getting close to me. Really, I just wanted to vegetate and WILL the perfect outcome into being. It doesn't work that way.

I haven't sent an email to Mars Hill because I am afraid that an email will make the "not right now" so final and so permanent. Even as I decided to apply to non-profit jobs (what I'd really like to pour my time and effort into), I haven't applied to more than 3. What's the deal? I don't want to close the door on Seattle, but I'm not exactly moving swiftly forward either. What is the problem?