Devotional Prayer

Heavy. My heart and my mind were heavy this entire week. Earlier this summer, I began to document things in my notebook of what I saw to come. For instance, I knew that the Senior Pastor at my church was going to resign approximately 2 months before he announced it to the church. No one told me, it was something I was simply aware of. The purpose behind this kind of knowledge is often to encourage, but it is also there so that I may pray and intercede.

My heart and mind have been heavy this week. I am seeking the Lord's direction in my life and I am turning my feet swiftly towards His path for me. Many have been on the outside looking in and have thought that my actions are questionable, and that the choices I have made and continue to make are of a different "spirit." Prayerfully I have considered their words, and thrown the bad out and kept the good. Their understanding has been limited, especially since they have not stopped to ask me any questions. Their hearts have been well-meaning, just as Job's friends loved him and meant him well. In Job's case, his friends suffered from a lack of knowledge and understanding. I have searched for a home church for nearly 3 years. I had no desire to church hop, but I could not find what I was searching for. I became so disheartened and even a little rebellious. The churches I was attracted to were always unreasonably far away, and they made little sense to commit to. After my trip up to Seattle in April, I returned to Harvest Valley in Pleasanton (it was the first church I had started my church search with) and I have been there ever since.

Many changes are coming to HVCC, some that are necessary and others that unsettle me. As a response to Pastor's sermon this morning, we were asked to have a short time of devotional prayer before being dismissed. As I knelt before my chair, I quietly prayed and sought the Lord. I do not understand why path has been like it is. The choices set before me are difficult ones. The knowledge has often been difficult, especially in this case. During the past 20 years of my church life, I have personally seen more than 8 pastors resign and leave their posts. Approximately 6 of these pastors have left in the past 4 years. I have cried out to the Lord, angry and disheartened, why do these Pastors always leave? Is it impossible for the Shepherds to stay with their sheep? This has caused some amount of distrust in my life...a disinterest in coming under the authority of a pastor -- a fear that they will abandon me. Why should I invest and share my life with the Pastor, allow him to shepherd me, if he is just going to turn around in a few months and leave his post? These thoughts were going around in my mind as I prayed during the service. Everywhere I go, something happens. Two words popped into my mind as I prayed. Change Agent.

Change Agent. I have a general understanding of those words, but couldn't imagine why the Lord was sharing them with me during our devotional prayer time.

I turned to the Internet and began reading an interesting article by Dennis Stevenson. He describes a change agent as a person who alters human capability or organizational systems to achieve a higher degree of output or self actualization. "Beginning with the end in mind, the goal of a change agent is obviously to make changes that stick. The result of change agent activity is to enable people to do more, or find a new and better perspective on life. Sometimes this latter idea is the foundation for future change which achieves outcomes that were previously not attainable." Interesting.

In reading that, I understand that the Lord desires all of us to agents of change in our cultures, in our homes, in our schools, and even in our churches. Stevenson goes on to describe how he believes it feels to be a change agent.

A change agent lives in the future and not in the present. It is not so much that an individual must live completely in the future, it is more that they must constantly be looking to the future. The goal is to bring changes and improvements that will stick. A change agent should envision what could and should be in the future and work toward bringing that possibility to reality.

A change agent is fueled by passion, and inspires passion in others. Our Christian walk is not meant to be undertaken on our own. Even though it is the individual alone that makes the decision to follow the Savior and surrender, the rest of our Christian walk is meant to be made in community. We ought to read our Bibles and pray alone, but we are also to disciple one another -- what this means is to love one another and spur one another on to hope and good deeds. The changes are brought about by a passion for God and for others, and this ought to inspire those around us on, as well.

A change agent has a strong ability to self-motivate. Nowhere that I look in the Bible does it say that people will support the work of God or even approve. In fact, what I see more than anything else, is that people reject God, and often are weary of change. Jesus could not heal in His hometown because their faith was lacking. And this was Jesus! A change agent will still work towards the future goal, even when those around criticize and lack understanding. They also work hard, knowing that validation is unnecessary and likely will be claimed by others. That is Biblical. One man plants the seed, another one waters; finally, another man reaps the harvest.

A change agent must understand people. As Stevenson so aptly reminds us, at the end of the day, change is really about people.

All I can pray is, Lord, make me a change agent. Help me to become more like You and less like me. Use me as You see fit. Give me a heart for Your people and a heart that accepts rebuke and Your discipline. Please let me be led and help me not to be the kind that has to be led like a stubborn mule. Give me understanding to know that You are at work and that I can only walk where you allow and carry those things that You put on my shoulders. Show me what a balanced life looks like -- one that simultaneously acknowledges and honors the past, the present, and the future. Finally, help me to remember to be thankful and give all honor to You.