Hope and a Future

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord." (Ps. 139: 1 - 4)

Here I sit on a Saturday night, looking at the assorted pieces of my life. Not more than 12 hours ago, someone said to me that sometimes God works when there is nothing left. Sometimes the stripping away of securities, comforts are the painful, unpleasant catalysts that move us closer to the area that God wants us to be in. I've been at this place in my life several times. Friendships, family relationships, job security, future hope...all stripped from my person. I have felt bereft. My emotions are part of the daily sacrifice I make to the Lord. Every friendship and relationship that I have are not mine to keep...the Lord gives and He sees fit to take away. Even though I screw things up on my own far too often and upset those around me, the truth remains: the Lord delivers people into my life, but He also escorts them right back out. As I look around, I am seeing change all around. Friendships are changing, the relationships within my family are also changing. The Bible says not to fear, even when the earth gives way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea. My earth has been shaken, and the mountains are moving.


"You hem me in -- behind and before: you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you." (Ps. 139: 5 - 12)

The week before last, I applied to be a part of the opportunity of my dreams! A good friend mentioned a Discipleship Training Program in Seattle that would address all of my passions, every God-given gift and ability, and even promised to work on my shortcomings. The moment I heard about the program, I felt elated. I applied on the day of the deadline and have been waiting ever since. Disappointment is not exactly what I feel, for I do not know any details. The program was intended to be for men (which, of course, eliminates me), and they were clear in stating that they did not know if they would extend the program for women. Anything could be happening. They could call me tomorrow...or they could not. They could have decided that distance, cost and personal fit are too hindering. There are an assortment of emotions that I could be feeling, but hope is at the forefront. Somewhere, somehow, there is a church that is doing the very thing that my heart has longed for. I did not know that there were these kinds of opportunities! This will not be the last opportunity. Thank you, Lord!